When I Got Thrown Out of Dairy Queen

I was thirteen-years-old the first time I got thrown out of a Dairy Queen.

The manager came charging out from behind the counter like an angry drill sergeant.  He glared at Andy and me with an iron jaw and then threw a stiff thumb over his shoulder toward the door.

“Out!” he hissed.

“What!” Andy demanded (although it came out Wh-Wh-Wh-What!).  “What about them?” He motioned toward the trio of octogenarians—a balding, silver fox and his two blue-haired lady friends—seated two booths behind us.  They were stifling laughs with handfuls of tattered napkins.

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One Question That Can Change a Kid’s World

When I meet with teens in addiction recovery, they know the first question I’m going to ask.  I always reserve a portion of our time together for one seemingly insignificant inquiry:

“What’s something that made you laugh?”

This past week, a couple of girls had a uniquely silly experience, and one of them made a point to take note of it.  “We have to remember this to tell Bert when he asks for something funny!” she’d told her friend.  And they had.

Both girls were laughing so hard, it took several minutes of gasping and happy-tear wiping to tell their funny story.

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Why You (don’t) Suck

We know that art imitates life.  Life also imitates art.  And somewhere in between, we explore nature’s blueprint as we each try to figure out who—and what—we really are.

Sitting here in my writing sanctuary, I’ve become distracted by movement in the woods just beyond my window.  A woodpecker is making his way up a long, slender birch tree, stopping ever so often for some investigative pecks.  He visits our woods regularly.  I frequently hear his rhythmic knocking, and when I do, I always stop to look for the handsome fellow.  He’s a delight to behold.  Slender, coal-black body.  Fiery red head.  Power and grace that would shame most ballerinas.  I’m mesmerized by his existence.  And I wonder how a bird that can be so beautiful and naturally gifted at locating insects in a tree still can’t retrieve tennis balls like Cleveland and Bruce, our golden retrievers.

Our woodpecker is the worst retriever I’ve ever seen.  In fact (pardon the phrase, but there’s no better way to say it), he flat-out sucks. Continue reading