Anxiety

The Rule of Five (…or Why we left church)

/ Bert Fulks / 44 Comments
(This piece has been featured on DrAndyRoark.com and associated social media networks.)

FBGcoverLeading a group of men through a study based on the book Fathered by God (John Eldredge), we’ve been prayerfully considering what God intends us to become as men.  As we wrestle with current struggles, we’ve journeyed back through our personal stories, asking God to reveal where, why, and how our masculine spirits have been assaulted, seduced, and surrendered.  For the men who are willing to engage in such an expedition, they discover a gut-wrenching sort of liberation through the process.  It’s been the same for me, and over the years I’ve done this sort of thing many times.  It just seems God’s not done with me, yet.  (I only mention this because I want you to understand why I’m going where I’m going in this piece.)

Having poured out my soul about my marriage (I was blown away by your numerous emails and private messages–Thank you for sharing your hearts, dear ones!), you’re aware that Laura and I struggle like everyone else.  However, I’m compelled to reveal something deeper about my wife and our relationship.  To do that, I must first tell you how I’ve failed as a man.

Here’s my confession:  Continue reading →

Well, that escalated quickly.

/ Bert Fulks / 1 Comment

As I get older, I’m discovering a crippling dilemma endured by most of the souls I encounter:  the desire to be known chained to the horror of being noticed.

It’s like sharing a kennel with a self-destructive pair of Siamese twins hell-bent on fratricide/sororicide/suicide.

Whatever.

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Meanwhile, the tired, near-geriatric golden retriever doses next to his brother in the early morning sunlight, thumping his joyous tail, dreaming of simpler times of chasing that stupid ball through the weeds.

Finding it.

Retrieving it.

And being celebrated for simply doing what he was designed to do.

Lucky dog.

Whose years multiply at a crippling pace.

Poor fellow.

Envy and pity hang out together sometimes, too.

Assault on the St. Charles Streetcar

/ Bert Fulks / 4 Comments

I’m not sure what possessed us to take our kids to New Orleans for Spring Break.  It was a spur of the moment decision.  We were hanging out in the living room after our family time of devotion and prayer when the phone rang.  It was our friend, Steve.

“You got plans?”

“Nope.”

“Want to join us and spend a few days in the Big Easy?” Continue reading →

Addiction and Evolution at the DMV

/ Bert Fulks / 5 Comments

The text messages went something like this:

Me:  “Stuck at the DMV.  I may not make it out of here any time soon.  You might need a backup plan for this morning.”

Alex:  “Who waits to renew their license until the day before it expires?  Other than me, of course.”

dmvWhat could I say?  I’m a moron.  I often put myself in these impossible situations.  I knew I wouldn’t get out of the DMV in time for our group (Alex and I lead a weekly Bible study with teens going through an addiction recovery program).  Maybe it’s stupidity, but I sometimes find myself giving hope a chance to prove my inner-realist wrong.  Possibly I just like to put myself in a position where I can once more smother life out of that starry-eyed youngster in my soul:  “What the heck were you thinking, you freaking idiot?!” Continue reading →